Move Down Front

We all know the story of Rosa Parks and her refusal to move her tired feet one more step to the back of the bus. So I’m not going to repeat it here. But what I will do is take a moment to acknowledge how easy it is to grow accustomed to being in the back that when opportunities to hit the front arise, they’re missed.

Usually I sit at the back or on the sides of large gatherings for many reasons but mainly – kids and bathroom. I have my children with me probably 85% of most things that I do so I’m constantly wrangling, shushing and entertaining while trying to glean experiences (church, meetings, dinner, etc). As for the bathroom, well I have two kids, and my moms out there you already know what carrying babies in your body does to one’s bladder, so there’s that.

Last week I attended a leadership and entrepreneurs’ conference. I didn’t have my kids with me; I’d avoided having a lot to drink for the morning so I decided to move up in the room. Not to the front but certainly closer than my usual perch. One of the other attendees looked at me and said, “I’m going to the front. Come on.” I was hesitant, but really there was nothing holding me back except fear, fear of being seen; fear of being held responsible for the view and things that I learned there down front.

Mind you, I’ve always been a bit skeptical of people that show up places late demanding a seat in the front. I’m thinking what makes you so special to head down there late, but maybe I should be asking the other way, why are there still open seats in the front? Shouldn’t we all want to be closer to the flames? Don’t we all deserve an opportunity and access? What does it say about us when we don’t move down front?

On that day, moving down front was just the start of moving outside of my comfort zone. As a result of taking multiple steps different than my normal path, I was rewarded at a greater level than I’d ever experienced. So today I want to you to make a decision to move down front. Is there an area of life where you’ve been sitting in the back for far too long? Drop a comment below. It’s time to move down front in 2018.

Redefining the 4M Lifestyle

One year ago, I embarked on the journey of building a lifestyle brand dedicated to women achieving levels of authenticity in their various life spaces. And like many other things in my life, my consistency waned. I let you down – my blogs were late, and conversations became shorter, then virtually nonexistent, because I couldn’t figure out how to do it all.  I didn’t know how to handle change, growth and success in the competing areas of my life. More importantly, I hadn’t figured out how to advocate for self and say, “Hey folks, I’m drowning a little bit in the midst of it all”.  

As I thought through what I wanted the next year to look like it was apparent that I needed more than a brand to be sustainable. I need support and accountability. Those are the same things that I hear from many of you in our individual conversations and encounters. So the goal here is changing. We are moving from a brand to a community. We are a community of women striving for authentic living in every area of life – that of mates, mommies, moguls and most importantly ME (who we are when all of the other is stripped away). We provide support and accountability to one another as we continue the journey to authenticity.

The goals for the 2nd year of the 4MLifestyle are to provide:

1.       Consistency – I’m recommitting to having “Live” conversations with you. Screaming kids in the background and all if necessary, because that’s what my life looks like right now. The same for blogs – I want you guys to read what I write, good, bad and indifferent. Writing is a part of who I am, our opinions may differ but that’s part of what makes us grow and be amazing.

2.       Resources and Support – Over the last year, I’ve sprinkled in a few articles and videos here and there. But I want to include more of these resources, even if just for a laugh, to remind you that you are not alone on your journey.

3.       Community – Keyboard courage and social media sometimes interfere with our ability to really connect. I desire for us to get to know one another on a deeper level. If we work together, we can define what support looks like for each of us on our individual journeys and create a safe space for authentic living.

4.       Accountability – We all have dreams and goals, even if we’ve never shared them. Part of authentic living means going after those goals. We’re here to help each other achieve them, even if it’s a simple reminder to “just keep going”.

So Happy Anniversary 4Ms! Will you continue to join me on the journey to building a community of authentic living in every area of our lives?

Just 10 Minutes to Improve Your Mood Daily

10 Minutes to Improve Your Mood Daily

With holiday commitments, it’s easy to over look self for the “care” of others. But in all actuality, we often end up more burnt out than before. Taking 10 minutes to improve yourself each day is a wonderful gift that you (and those that have to deal with you) will appreciate greatly. Here are the things that fill my 10 minutes:

1.       Pray/Affirm positive things for yourself.

2.       Intentionally choose peace & joy as your companions.

3.       Write down one thing/one sentence that you are grateful for each day.

4.       Read something that has nothing to do with work (or politics, or parenting, or anything stressful).

5.       Watch/listen to something funny and allow yourself to laugh.

6.       Wear something that makes you feel GREAT.

7.       Move your body (walk, stretch, dance, whatever).

Do these things EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. You’ll be thankful you did.

Thankful for Me

A couple of months ago I heard a radio host ask what is the best thing about ourselves. I realized in that moment that it can become entirely too easy to focus on the things that aren’t so great. And those are the things that we spend our time, money and energy on. We pray “God fix this… Help me with…”.  We invest in courses, read books and join groups to help us fix what’s wrong. Now I’m not saying that there is anything wrong with becoming a better version of yourself or strengthening areas of weakness. But what would happen if we temporarily exchanged our “fix-it” mentality for a “thankful for it” outlook?

This month is when our focus is on Thanksgiving. Many of us gather with family and friends and list off the things we are grateful for: life, family, food, clothes, housing, etc. How many times have you just had a moment of gratitude for who and how you are? Have you ever dared to thank your creator for all of the good things about yourself? Even further, have you ever been bold enough to offer the good parts of yourself back to Him for His use? Changing your prayer from “Lord, this is broken, fix it soon. Amen” to “Lord I am grateful for the gift of a beautiful smile. May you be pleased with use of my smile as I encounter people today.”

I know it seems almost too simple, but imagine hearing all of the good things you’ve done listed off. To a creator, seeing your hard work is a great reward.  We’ve talked about Bliss Lists in relationships, but what about a Gratitude List for self and all of the things that make you wonderful.

Take some time today and list out ALL of the things that make you amazing. What are the things about yourself that you’re grateful for? Maybe you’re resilient, creative and kind. Perhaps you have a keen business sense, mathematical mind or a knack for organizing chaos. Take that list and create a Prayer of Thanksgiving for all of the things that make you, YOU.

Maintaining Me: A Checklist for Self-Care

The last few weeks have been overwhelming to say the least. I’ve found myself rocking in anxiety both due to internal and external factors. As I began to get my bearings together I have been reminded of the necessity of maintaining me. There are certain things that I must do to ensure my well-being prior to juggling all of the other things that I am responsible for.

Yesterday, I heard someone saying that we as individuals must make sure that we are getting our regular maintenance, like cars. And I began to think about what that maintenance would look like for me. Ironically enough when I opened my planner to grab today’s post topic, it was on Maintaining Me. Maybe not so ironic as it is divine. 😊 

The end of the year is rapidly approaching so the time for maintenance

Here’s my 10-point maintenance checklist:

·         What is my general mood and disposition lately?

·         When was the last time I had scheduled, uninterrupted me time?

·         When was the last time I did a personal Bible study?

·         When was the last time I connected with hubby without the kids?

·         When was the last time I connected with family and friends, outside of the context of obligations?

·         What was the last thing I did for self-improvement and the pursuit of higher knowledge?

·         How long has it been since I unplugged from social media and connected with real people?

·         What was the last hobby or personal interest I’ve pursued?

·         When was my most recent physical activity?

·         Where have I been outside my daily travel route?

When I have a hard time remembering or there has been a long time has passed, I know that that particular area likely needs maintenance. It may in fact already be broken. What is your maintenance routine? What would you add to this checklist?

That's What I Like

I really do love the song “That’s What I Like” by Bruno Mars. It’s sexy and fun – both ways that I distantly view myself. However, I must be honest in sharing that over the years, I’ve lost touch with what I like, sexy, fun or otherwise.

My aunt says it this way “We don’t know what we like; we like what we know” and I think it’s so true. Growing up, I liked (and disliked) the things my mother told me. To give you an idea: we liked Heinz ketchup, not Hunts. And we did not like black purses with white stitching. Since her passing, I’ve become a wife and learned to like some things for him. I’ve become a mother and learned to like some things for them. So when I get a few extra dollars or moments to myself it’s often hard to determine what I like or want to do with that time or space. I’ll be honest and say most time the money goes to something for the kids and the time is spent catching a nap or tidying something up.

What I am learning through countless observations and conversations is that it is important to know what we like for ourselves. And more importantly, it’s necessary not to feel bad about liking something for ourselves. As women, we are often taught to take the role of accommodating others; we compromise even at the expense of our own needs and happiness. The result of this warped approach is frustration and unfulfillment in many areas: sex, love, work, friendships, and life as a whole.

If you’re like me it may have been a while since anyone asked you what YOU like. Today, I want you to think about the things that you like. What do you like? (Say it out loud and drop a comment below.) Are they regular fixtures in your life? Have you changed your mind on the things that you like? That’s ok too you know. 😊

Here’s my short list of (today’s) likes: candles, mugs, journals, shoes and wine. I like scarves and honey kisses and hugs (from my hubs). I like books and snacks. I like love music and romantic comedies.

A Place to Belong

(Originally Penned October 2016)

A day or so ago I expressed to a friend that I was feeling insecure about my friendships changing again with the 2nd pregnancy because not many in my circle have kids, let alone two.

Last night I went to a gathering because I wanted/needed to be social. And I didn't fit in 1) I was exhausted, and 2) I had the kidlet with me so needed to check periodically on her. Between my frequent bathroom breaks, inability to sip wine and absence of voice I felt thoroughly out of place in a setting in which I once would have thrived. 

Then today I went to see my two best girlfriends and didn't fit there either. They're both enjoying a carefree lifestyle without the responsibility of kids. Because I had mine with me I had to cut my end of the hangout short in exchange for bedtimeroutine. Our conversations were censored and often interrupted. It felt forced.

Just yesterday I read a brilliantly penned article by a mom of two on her conclusion that being just a mom right now is enough. And I loved her truth and identified with her transparency. But if I'm honest with myself I have to say that it's not enough. It doesn't match who I am and what I need right now. It doesn't feel good. If it's this hard before number 2 arrives, I'm terrified of the after effects.

I've found temporary solace in the musings and occasional interactions with other parents in the world of social media. But bc it's not tangible, it doesn't seem real. 

So today I'm admittedly a wanderer and that's okay for now. I will stumble upon belonging if I just keep walking.

A Few Thoughts on Leaving a Legacy

I think about death. Not in a scary way but in a “what’s on the other side” way. Yes, I believe I’ll go to heaven but what will be left of me here on Earth. Will I leave a mark? Will it be known that I was here? That’s what I think about.

I’ve had the honor of helping to write the last words about some loved ones over the last few years. I’ll admit, it was HARD. I questioned whether I was writing the right thing. Did I capture the essence of who they were and the work that they did adequately? And the truth of the matter is that it would have been so much easier if they’d told me what to say. J

So many times we as women walk around as representatives of ourselves. We morph into various roles so much so that when the real us shows up, she’s foreign. And I wonder about the mark our representative is leaving. There’s been a lot of talk and thought around me about legacy. But the true question is, are we creating our own legacy or is someone else creating it for us. Here are 5 things to think about as you consider your legacy track:

1.       When people encounter me, is it really me or a representative?

2.       Is what I’m doing helpful to someone else? Or, my greatest contribution to humanity thus far has been?

3.       If I leave this earth today am I certain that I have tapped and emptied my talent veins? I have done my best with everything I have been given?

4.       Complete the phrase: When people think of me, I hope they remember…

5.       Fill in the blank: The person(s) that live with me will say _____ about me.

I am here and full. Full of life, gifts, talents and treasures. I’ve been selfish – bending under the guise of being overwhelmed. But I mustn’t break and fail to produce. I am compelled, no obligated to explore the bounds of my creative output. I want to be empty – totally poured out. Sharing and giving – leaving a mark of meaning on all that I encounter.